tautologies
I used to avoid tautological statements. In my field, they are generally frowned upon. Lately, however, my almost two-year-old has been having brief but explosive tantrums in which he occasionally bangs his own head repeatedly against the floor, the refrigerator, or whatever hard surface is nearby, much like an orangutan with zoochosis.
“My love!” I cried out the first time I saw him do this as I rushed to scoop his head into my hands. He looked at me red faced and wild eyed, “when you hurt yourself,” I said and then paused, at a loss, “ummm…you hurt yourself.” Since then, it’s become a refrain.
“When you hurt yourself, you hurt yourself.” It’s simple, and yes tautological, but don’t we sometimes need to be reminded that the thing we are doing IS the consequence of the thing we are doing? Isn’t that enough? So often we skip past the actual fact of our actions to some projected consequence or desired or feared outcome without acknowledging the full weight of the action itself as consequence. Here. In this moment.
Lately, I’ve been experimenting with framing my actions using tautological statements. “When you judge yourself,” I think to myself occasionally “you judge yourself.” That’s it. That’s enough of a consequence and it’s happening now.
“When you walk past that homeless woman without looking her in the eye and saying hello” I thought the other morning, “you walk past that homeless woman without looking her in the eye and saying hello.” That’s it. I lost the opportunity to see the full humanity of that person.
“When you scold your son instead of enjoying him,” I think “you scold your son instead of enjoying him.” Why pin my behavior to a feared worst case scenario outcome about how I may or may not be ruining his life when the action itself is the consequence here and now?
This has weight on the positive side of things as well. Tautological statements are invitations to attentiveness, to noticing our thoughts and feelings and actions without hitching them to how they may or may not improve or degrade our lives or the lives of others. How much time have I spent reading about the benefits of doing this or that for my child, like the impact of baby massage on long term mental health for children after my son was born? When you hold your baby’s foot in your hand and feel the weight of his small warm body, all full of life and love and possibility, well, you know the rest.
